Someone once said that marriage is work, hard work. In many ways, that statement is true. Good marriages don’t exist without focused effort and deep commitment. Yet if we only look at marriage through the lens of ‘hard work,’ we will miss out on the joy, fun, and happiness of marriage companionship. Marriage is God’s gift to be enjoyed together!
Ecclesiastes 4:12–13 (NLT) A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. It is better to be a poor but wise youth than an old and foolish king who refuses all advice.
Has your marriage been suffering from a lack of romance or happiness? The typical advice from the Bible is very straightforward. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church. Wives submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. Simple enough.
Ephesians 5:21–22 (NLT) “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:25–27 (NLT) “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.”
A big question is HOW? What does it look like? What can I do to express my love and care for my spouse? How are these lived out practically?
I want to suggest twelve things that will help bring back closeness and intimacy in your marriage.
- Start praying together.
- Read the Bible together.
- Write little love or encouraging words on PostIt Notes and leave them in surprising places.
- Go to bed together at the same time.
- Hold hands privately and in public.
- Give each other a solid 10-second hug as soon as you see each other in the morning and the evening.
- Say “I Love You” a lot every day.
- Send your spouse a text message or DM reminding them you are thinking of them.
- Focus on what your spouse is doing that is right rather than all the wrongs you may see.
- Pray for your spouse by name throughout the day.
- Go for walks together, talking about life (and problems if need be.)
- Be deliberate about being physically intimate.
- BONUS: Share encouraging things about your spouse with others, especially in front of your spouse!
- BONUS: Make date nights a priority and regular habit.
As you apply these suggestions daily, I assure you will see a marked improvement in your mind and heart toward your spouse. As you choose to serve your spouse practically, God will be there to help, encourage, and strengthen you.
What does the Bible say about Marriage?
Genesis 2:18 (NKJV) “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.””
Genesis 2:24 (NKJV) “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Proverbs 19:14 (NKJV) “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
Proverbs 31:10–11 (NKJV) “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.”
Romans 12:1–2 (NKJV) “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
1 Corinthians 7:3–4 (NKJV) “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
Ephesians 5:22–28 (NKJV) “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”
Colossians 3:18–19 (NKJV) “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”
1 Peter 3:1–4 (NKJV) “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV) “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
