Pastor, it’s January again; this time, it’s 2025. You know, as I do, that January is filled with its ups and downs. The ups are exciting. There’s a new anticipation of all the Lord wants to do in the coming year. There are new believers. There are new commitments—many step up to serve. Hope is revived and refreshed in so many. But…
There are some downs too. Attendance may be lower. Ministry servants may be more scarce. You might even be intimidated by what the future holds for you and the church. And…
A big hit in January comes as a few families leave your church for another local church. This is a normal part of the rhythm of your ministry. New people join your church, while others will leave. The Church belongs to Jesus and He will lead His sheep. Sometimes, a family is led by the Lord on to another family of believers. You need to let them go and bless them on the way.
Now, not all will leave on good terms. That’s sad. Yes, some will let you know, while others you will never see or hear from again. Some will even blame you for their wandering ways, saying they are tired of your teaching, not being fed anymore, can’t find friends at your church; you’re a poor leader, you don’t care, you didn’t answer their email or return their phone call, and on and on that list continues. Some of it may even be true, but instead of following Matthew 18 to resolve it, they hold a grudge and decide the best solution is to move on angrily. They are dealing with deep stuff in their own lives and choose to blame it all on you. This is not an easy thing to endure year after year, that’s for sure. The list of complaints piles on and on and on. It’s not enough to follow the Lord; some want to scorch the earth as they leave. Of course, it’s all your fault because you’re the lousy pastor, after all. But…
It’s not true, at least not entirely true. Of course, there are always areas in our pastoral ministry where we must repent, grow, and humble ourselves. Improvement and spiritual growth are available to all of us. Yet it’s hard to do that when the earth has been scorched by those blaming you for everything. Don’t forget, though, that it’s rarely as bad as it’s conveyed when that family runs away to another church with unresolved issues in their hearts that will only make things worse for them.
If this is you, consider these five things. If it’s not you but your pastor, then pray these 5 things over him.
- Don’t believe the lies. (John 8:44) That email or letter or the gossip spreading throughout the church is rarely accurate. Don’t believe the lies. If you take the bait of the lies of the enemy, you will be the one who suffers the most.
- Don’t dwell on those who left. (1 Peter 5:7) It is too easy to let your mind wander into unhealthy places. Offer yourself and the families that go to the Lord and leave them with Him. Remember, they are His sheep.
- Do pray through the facts. (Psalm 139:23-24) There’s a lot to learn in trying times, so be sure not to summarily dismiss the whole situation. Instead, seek the Lord and see what He wants to reveal to you to make you a better man of God!
- Do serve the Church. (1 Peter 5:2) I know those who leave can hurt. That’s a sign of your pastoral love. Those in front of you need that love. Serve the church in front of you. There is a good chance those who stay behind are hurt by the family leaving too, maybe even hearing some ‘juicy gossip’ along the way. Love them. Care for them. Serve them well.
- Do celebrate the fruit among you. (John 15:8) Look at what God IS doing in and through you! It’s glorious. It’s wonderful. Stay the course, abiding in Him!
Remember, sheep don’t belong to you. The Church is Jesus’s precious bride. Love Jesus by loving His Church well.
The Gift of Goodbye: Finding Purpose in Lost Friendships
